The Thick Plottens

i have moved!

2007-03-26T20:21:00.001+05:30

hello world.

from now on, you can find me at http://astrodominie.wordpress.com

the new blog isn't as pink as i'd like, but i'm already struggling with html codes in the hope of achieving it someday :)

thank you, blogger, i shall always remember your services.

slip into unconsciousness..

2007-03-25T18:01:00.000+05:30

Before you slip into unconsciousness
I'd like to have another kiss
Another flashing chance at bliss
Another kiss, another kiss

The days are bright and filled with pain
Enclose me in your gentle rain
The time you ran was too insane
We'll meet again, we'll meet again

Oh tell me where your freedom lies
The streets are fields that never die
Deliver me from reasons why
You'd rather cry, I'd rather fly

The crystal ship is being filled
A thousand girls, a thousand thrills
A million ways to spend your time
When we get back, I'll drop a line

it's monstrous, i tell you!

2007-02-14T14:06:00.000+05:30

oh god.

i'm trying to document all the things i've eaten in the past week and it boggles the mind.

it all started with the commencement of group discussions at the loyola office. my usual day would consist of college from 8 to 1.30, then i'd be at loyola by 2, wherein GDs would take place until around 6, following which i would leave with soumya, eat and discuss the next day till about 8 and then go home.

tuesday, 6th feb
lunch with latha and soumya at galloping gooseberry, greams road. mozarella sticks for starters,
then i had a vegetable lasagne which i then swapped for soumya's spagehetti and cheeseballs, and then split a chocolate mousse cake [amazing, i might add]

wednesday passed in a blur of ice teas, chocolate biscuits and cup noodles at the loyola canteen.

thursday, 8th feb
i didn't have time for lunch, but later in the evening had a marrybrown burger with fries and the inevitable ice tea. oh, and two or three chocolate biscuits. oh, and chips, i think.

friday, 9th feb
we told ourselves that it would just be a drink, so we proceeded to a coffee shop that i shall not name owing to legalities like slander (or it it libel?) where i ordered the most vibrantly blue sundae possible - having been falsely encouraged to do so by that traitor latha. it was...very strange, to say the least, and i almost collapsed in my attempt to finish it, having first sniffed it by accident, and then lacing it with chocolate sauce that only turned it the vile colour of ditchwater. soumya stuck to a more restrained burger. then, to supposedly rid ourselves of the taste, we had french fries at sweet chariot and bonded over hundis and associated humour.

saturday, 10th feb
cup noodles, chocolate biscuits and ice tea again! and i'm sure we ate something in the evening after the group discussions but for the life of me, cannot recall.

sunday, 11th feb
a quiet breakfast at the loyola canteen amidst the crowds who apparently came to the loyola church. in the evening, we proceeded to galloping gooseberry and had cheese balls for starters, and then i had a rather nice cocktail cottage cheese pasta, followed obviously by a chocolate mousse cake which we split again. the day ended with me feeling unpleasantly full.

monday, 12th feb
this day was not one of our best. we decided we wanted to end the day with a healthy cup of juice. i sneered at the suggestion of the little juice shop near the petrol bunk. so we coerced arjun into dropping us at the juice shop on greams road. i cast a few longing glances at GG but thankfully, our pockets wouldn't allow us to enter. had a sugar-laced lemon juice that only served the purpose of getting me extremely high on sugar, which in turn started me off on very pathetic jokes that prompted me into peals of laughter, though had i been sobre, i wouldn't even have cracked a smile. anyway. debated between a frankie and going to nibbles. nibbles won, so we went there and had a paneer roll each, and i had that walnut chocolate cake thingy while soumya had a piece of chocolate. oh god, i feel sick.

tuesday, 13th feb
this was the day i developed my eye infection. however, after college i hit gangotri with vaish and sub where i had a sev puri chaat, and we split a bowl of rasamalai and basundhi.

i am seriously considering getting therapy. this disease is a new one, since i don't recall ever eating so much. i blame soumya. and recruitment!

[untitled]

2007-02-04T10:59:00.000+05:30

Hath not a Jew eyes?
Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions?
If you prick us, do we not bleed, if you tickle us, do we not laugh?
If you poison us, do we not die?
And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

(Act III, Scene 1, The Merchant of Venice)

Note:
inspiration for this stemmed from a little something i read. you know who you are :) .
oh, and i can't do anything about the missing apostrophes in the text in the image. it's not my fault :p

me the living!

2007-02-03T14:53:00.000+05:30

I remember piano lessons
Now everything seems clear
You waiting under streetlights
For dreams to disappear

i'm listening to piano lessons by porcupine tree. it's a great song to put you into reflective mode.

for some reason, it's like an exertion to even sit down and find the words. there are so many things i want to say, so many things i need to - but the sad thing is that it's very often too tiring to try and sort through them in your own head, before trying to find an explanation.

the last two weeks have been a sort of emotional upheaval. i came very, very close to going against everything i've stood for in the past few months, and even closer to breaking myself - but it's an amazing feeling to say that today, i am proud of myself, and what i've done, and what i can do.

it's funny how easily people can change, and shift tactics, in their selfish pursuit of one thing alone. and it's crazy just how much words can hurt. they're just words and sentences, after all.. and the mind and the heart should be strong enough to hold out against something as trivial as that.. but maybe that's what makes people weak and vulnerable. and human.

my theory in life is that you can go through any sort of emotional crap, any fight, any disgusting mud-slinging scenario if you remember one thing - hold onto your pride. you have to be the one to walk away, the one to laugh even if you feel like crying, cultivate sarcasm and that beautiful contemptuous tone in your voice. it's sexy. be a bitch if you have to. you'll respect yourself more, rather than going the sad, depressed, afflicted way.

it's cool. the world is filled with liars, cheats and people who aren't what they seem at all. what you, and they, need to realize is - the rest of the world knows, and pities them, because they're pathetic little people who don't even have the guts to admit to it.

i sound like i've been living a soap opera! am so happy with the way things are going right now. building and breaking relationships is a liberating experience!

in other news
1. attended a brilliant conference in kodaikanal
2. went back to school - finally!
3. have embarked on a quest to find.. well, never mind
4. have begun writing again!

if it makes you happy..

2007-01-02T20:58:00.000+05:30

i have blogger's block..

i could write about new year's.. and reflect on the year gone by.. and talk about my ambitions.. and expectations from 2007.. but really don't feel like getting into emotional muck right now..

because i feel happy. :)

there's toblerone in the house. i'm having a good hair day. i've taken several night outs in the past three weeks. i've made great friends. i'm listening to pink floyd. i survived a hangover. i'm convincing my mother to paint my walls pink. there's a lot of laughter in my life right now, and vivek's moving back!

of course, on the flipside.. MS word has vanished from my PC, i'm craving a burger which i won't get right now, college is re-opening tomorrow, the prospect of getting arrears due to poor attendance looms before me, and i have shitloads of work which is intimidating me into a state of absolutely lethargy.

the rough with the smooth, etc, i suppose..

but honestly. there have been good times, great times, bad times, miserable times - but i think the point is that i'm emerging as a stronger person. or so i'd like to think.. and life's worth living because of all those random special moments that just make you feel incredibly good about where you are right now.

since i'm running out of things to type, i'll end this with snapshots of some of those good times.. whether they're from 2006 or before, they made a difference..

world school 2004.. so i failed as usual at keeping in touch.. but it was UNFORGETTABLE..

the RC.. things are pretty different.. relationships have changed, feelings have changed.. kinda hard to define it.. at least we all look really happy here!

we both look like idiots in this.. but have to post it anyway..! and she knows why!

.. the supernovas.. with AK and vikas.. well.. :)

this is one of the best group photos yet..

IDC 2006, jaipur! i'm sooo glad i finally decided to go! it made all the difference in the world..

(wo)men in black.. my blazer was like an investment the whole year.. i love this photo..

what a night!!

okay i'd intended to make a collage of photos from school, college, aiesec.. but this became very aiesec-oriented.. but photo blogging is fun.. so let this remain aiesec-y.. i'll post about school later..

but yeah.. life is good..

conversations with my conscience

2006-12-14T20:21:00.000+05:30

i've been trying to figure this out for quite some time.

now there are points in your life.. when you're doing something which you know for a fact you shouldn't.. wrong is a very strong word.. but you know that it isn't really right.. either ethically or morally or whatever..

and what holds you back from going ahead and doing it anyway.. or pulls you back.. is that annoying thought in your head.. that tells you that you need to think it over.. and forces you back into that irritating position where impulse is overruled by sanity.

now this has not happened to me very often.

two conclusions can be drawn from this.

either

(a) i don't do the "wrong" things too often, or
(b) i just don't have a very active conscience.

both of these are unlikely.

in fact, to be quite honest, it's like i sometimes have to force myself to think.. i have to tell myself "your conscience should be stopping you", because i can't feel or hear my conscience or voice of reason at all. because i'm perfectly happy with what i'm doing.. and it's like i'm acting out a part to myself by pretending to care about the other aspect of it.

does this make sense to you?

but it's not like i'm breaking rules (though i wonder who sets these rules) or hurting anyone, or demeaning myself.

so maybe i'm just not doing anything wrong then.. :p

i have succeeded once again in thoroughly confusing myself.

in memory of..

2006-12-13T02:49:00.000+05:30

i need to be myself
i can't be no one else
i'm feeling supersonic
give me gin and tonic
you can have it all
but how much do you want it?

the best dogs in the business..

2006-12-04T15:23:00.000+05:30

some of the best voices i've ever heard..

1. shirley manson

a lot of people either haven't heard of the band garbage or just don't like it, but from whatever i've heard (basically their album version 2.0), shirley manson's voice is brilliant.. it can be kinda off-key, or maybe that's just the music, but her voice is undoubtedly sexy and immensely powerful.. you just have to listen to push it or special to recognise that..

2. amy lee
okay i honestly haven't heard a lot of evanescence apart from your usual three or four songs, but even then, their lead singer's fantastic.. the pitch she sings at, to start with, and also the sort of control she has over her voice.. it's not usual, so it stands out even more.. specially the bit in bring me to life where she moves into the chorus..

3. chad kroeger
honestly, how can you not fall in love with a voice like this.. it's raw and gritty and very rough.. not a great description, but makes for a great singer! one of the first songs i heard him sing, and which i had a major thing for, was why don't you and i with carlos santana.. and then of course came the whole slew of nickelback songs!

4. the women in great gig in the sky
initially, i was going to put david gilmour and co, but i honestly can't differentiate and pick one person from floyd whom i like.. but as for the women in great gig in the sky.. i don't even have words.. specifically i'm referring to the pulse version, since that's what i heard most recently, and if you watch the concert, you'll see three women singing one after the other, and they're all phenomenal.. it's easily one of the most difficult songs in the world to sing, particularly because there aren't even lyrics, you just sort of wail your way through it!

5. chris martin
apart from being voted the world's sexiest vegetarian (i like useless information), he's got a very mellow voice.. i never really took to x&y like the rest of the world did.. but i loved clocks, high speed and trouble.. it's music i listen to when i'm feeling down, and chris martin can make you feel good about stuff.. :)

6. steve tyler
he's crazy, loud, gone through extensive rehab for drug addiction, and went through throat surgery and a battle with Hepatitis C.. there's only one steve tyler, and he's incredible.. his voice is sort of brash, and you can feel the energy when you're listening to aerosmith.. falling in love is easily one of my favourite songs..

yeah this is an extremely pointless posting.. but whatever.. can't live without music.. :p

SO bored

2006-12-03T08:48:00.000+05:30

height's of joblessness is where i'm at..

Your Reputation Is: Sweet Girl

While you're well known, there's nothing to worry about.
You're reputation is mostly good - as good as any rep can be.

What's Your Reputation?

"sweet girl"? i think the other options were dangerous girl, fun girl and so on.. and i get "sweet".

that somehow seems to be the story of my life.

but i'm not really complaining.

not really. :)

if i'm smart then i'll...

2006-11-29T21:43:00.000+05:30

there are actually SO many things i wanted to blog about.. my sister's engagement.. international development congress.. but i think i'll leave those for a while.. till the moment i feel like going into details..

my head is a confused jumble of thoughts..

i wish i was good at comedy.. like the stand-up, one-liner type thing.. life would be so much more fun..

i wish i could figure out exactly what it is that i'm looking for in life.. that i could get more comfortable with who i am and how to deal with myself let alone other people..

there are a lot of people you'll hate / resent / misunderstand in the world.. i wish i could have ONE unprejudiced conversation.. with no anger, no emotion, just so that i can understand what it's like to be them.. because no matter how much of an asshole a person is, there's got to be something that makes her or him that way.. and i honestly want to understand it..

i wish i could stop caring all the time about what other people feel and think and say..

i wish i could go back and live specific parts of my life all over again.. the bits that you'll always remember.. you'll forget the context, the day, the situation, but you won't forget how it feels just to stand that way and feel the beauty and utter contentment of the moment..

i remember reading this somewhere..

suppose you were given the chance to read the story of your life as written by an unbiased author.. read about your growing up, who you love, who you marry, when you die.. would you be able to your own burning curiosity and push it aside? or would you succumb and read it, although then you'd be forced to live your life knowing exactly what's coming?

i'm in a weird mood.. i think i need chocolate.

eternal sunshine..

2006-11-20T17:05:00.000+05:30

i remember telling someone.. that no matter how shitty life can be.. ultimately everything will be okay.. and one day, you'll laugh at everything that happened and wonder just how you could've let it affect you so much..

idiotic optimism, you may say..

i think it was bharat who used to advocate the pessimistic approach to me.. or maybe it was someone else.. basically that you shouldn't always expect the worst.. because then if it doesn't happen, you'll be happy.. and if it does, you're prepared..

bullshit, say i..

why do you want to fuck with your head any more than necessary?

no matter how bad things are.. they don't stay that way.. i can feel that completely in my head and heart.. misery can be good for a while.. and i completely support a good cry.. but after a point, i guess you have to get a grip and then you realize just how good things really are.. and what potential they have to get better.. :)

as usual, i'm listening to a song that i completely love.. it's dire straits.. and i just have to post the lyrics here..

I'll wipe away those bitter tears
I'll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into grey

Why worry,
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now?

isn't that amazing?

my sunshine, my rain

2006-11-15T10:23:00.000+05:30

one of the most brilliant songs ever by oasis

there's a light that shines on
shines on me
and it keeps me warm
it keeps peace
i must say
i can't sleep coz the world won't wait

i decided that from now on, i want to make this blog more of a journal.. random posts are fine, but i started the blog itself because i thought it would be an alternative to the journal that i actually used to write in for over seven years..

it's great that every day these holidays has been pretty much a good day.. take yesterday for example.. met chop in the morning and six of us went to kfc for lunch (which could get monotonous after a while, methinks) after which udith dropped me off for my aiesec department meeting.. that was fun as well.. it's good to sit and share ideas and laugh.. want to start meeting up with these people a lot more frequently!

following that, i went back to shez's, and later vid, har and i went to chop's house to watch a hilarious movie called harry and kumar or something like that.. i like movies that make me LAUGH.. sure, drama and action is all very well, but sometimes it's just an idiotic comedy that makes the difference.. that wound up by eleven and was home by eleven-thirty, where my dad was obviously not too happy.. :p

so what's the point of my rambling about my day, you may ask..

just that..it's good to start doing different things and being a different person.. or being more yourself, as the case may be.. stop getting stifled by other people and their views and what they want to do.. it's not really selfish to start thinking about your own fun above others'..

movie tonight! hope i get permission!

i'm back to my oasis mood.. it picks you up when you're feeling down, turns the whole wide world around, etc..

and i get so high and i just can't feel it
and i get so high and i just can't feel it

in and out my brain running through my veins

you're my sunshine, you're my rain

someone take pity on me :(

2006-11-12T22:10:00.000+05:30

different strokes!

2006-11-12T21:56:00.000+05:30

no, i don't really know what the title means but it sounds nice!

well.. it's been an extremely eventful past few weeks.. exams and..stuff but let it suffice to say that things are good now!

take the past few days, for instance..

well, exams got over on friday.. and after a relaxed lounging-around session at spencer's with college friends..went out at night with laks, ramya, krit and kiki.. started off at dublin where we possibly shamed ourselves beyond hope by eating all the peanuts they had and then walking out.. we went to mocha and i tried hookah for the first time (yay!) but i didn't think much of it (damn!).. the night ended with three of us running in the rain from mocha to barista at 12.30, where the guy behind the counter is now completely resigned to seeing us any day, any time..

i love my sister's fiance (don't know how to put that accent-thing on top of the "e", sorry).. they're both so cute and nice and COMPATIBLE, and am so happy that she found a guy like him and more importantly, that she's found a guy like him whom she's going to marry! he was nice enough to put up with my clamouring and we went to the guindy zoo and spent a productive afternoon trying to find five chameleons in a bushy plant.. comparisons to a needle in a haystack are permitted, but we emerged victorious..

we're all kinda weird, so he fits right in :)

well, and today, krithika, lakshmi, santhosh, chopra and i drove up to ECR and hit crocodile bank (a life-long dream, though i did go two months back) and then KFC!

some people would describe this as boring, but i honestly had fun..

life changes, people change.. HOW true that is.. i learnt a lot of things about myself, and about the people i'm with.. am so lucky to have the friends that i do..

enough?

2006-10-25T23:01:00.000+05:30

what does that mean anyway?

when i was younger, i always used to start off essays, debates and speeches with a dictionary definition.

"Enough. The Oxford Dictionary defines enough to refer to 'adequacy; sufficient for the purpose or to satisfy desire'."

but is it ever enough?

i'm not good at philosophy. maybe i haven't read enough or absorbed enough, but i'm unable to get onto a metaphysical or spiritual plane and break things down into their simplest form, into something so vague and intangible that it sounds right.

when you start out with something.. you tell yourself.. that if you get this much.. or achieve so much.. then that's all you want, all you need.. and you'll be content..

that's how everything begins. then you can't have enough, or you start wanting to move to something better, something bigger, and you're unhappy and miserable and confused, because you feel you should be happy though you're not.

that's certainly convoluted.

will i ever reach a stage in my life.. where i can truly, honestly, sincerely say.. i am happy. i don't want anything more, i don't require anything else, because where i am today is my happiness.

i wish i could. i'm sure a lot of us do.

sometimes i just feel so full of beauty and love and life that i can't stop smiling.. that i play the loudest happiest music i can find on my computer and sing along and my voice actually sounds good even to my own critical ears.. and i want to tell everyone how happy i am, and i hug myself and think that things can't get better than this.

it's funny isn't it.. how long it takes to build happiness, yet how quickly it can be destroyed..

brings you back to my "what is enough" concept i guess..

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today

my reality

2006-10-25T22:44:00.000+05:30

it's been so long since i last posted.. i had to fumble a bit to even find the "create post" option..

it's funny how time flies.. i talked to sona on diwali after what i assumed was two months, only to be told that the last time i talked to her was in april.. that did come as a nasty shock.. am i SO wrapped up in what i'm doing (or not doing) that i let time slip by so fast?

just re-read jane eyre.. am disgusted with myself for not even keeping up with my reading, my so-called passion.. have several good ideas for stories floating in my head but am finding it so difficult to pin them down on paper..

am feeling very edgy.. want something to happen.. am not at all happy with certain aspects of life but am at a stage where i just don't know what to do about it! am fed up of trying to defend myself..

am in holiday mood.. blissfully indifferent to the fact that end semesters start in a week..

feel like watching a really funny programme or movie on tv.. something like the stupids or scary movie that will just let me laugh without thinking or analyzing too much..

my heart is heavy and my mind too full.

been doing quiz after quiz on funtrivia.com just to see how many points i can score in ten minutes.. am somewhere conscious of the fact that i am not spending my time as fruitfully as i could.

is raining like crazy right now..

am suddenly listening to dream theater.. don't know the last time i did.

So easy, easier
If you spoke to me
So easy, easier
Speak to me

won't you?

And So It Ends...!

2006-06-13T20:05:00.001+05:30

well.. holidays have come to an end.. sitting this morning i tried to analyze everything that had taken place during the period

duration : april 21st (or something) till june 13th

days when i was out of town : 6 0r 7

movies i watched : pink panther (FUNNY), derailed (underrated), some hindi thing with katrina kaif and akshay kumar (humko something), poseidon (twice), tirupati (oh god!).. some more i cant remember

movies i wanted to watch but didn't : ice age 2 :(

other things i did : um.. aiesec work?

what i did in chennai : let's see.. meetings.. dublin once.. lunch outings.. barista too many times.. can't think of anything else

what i learnt : ...one can never sleep enough

physical activities i indulged in : LOL! are you crazy?

money spent : TOO MUCH to be related to the LACK of activity!

people i talked to the most : anand and subadra

end result : i bet i put on weight if nothing else!

oh god.. can nearly two months actually be so unproductive???

but i had fun :)

so that's what counts.

piece of cake!

2006-05-24T12:11:00.000+05:30

my birthday cake... one of the most creative and chocolatey concoctions i've ever had.. i LOVED it.. [not just because it had a strange photo of me on it] but because of the feeling with which it was ordered and brought..

had an amazing [belated] birthday surprise.. LOVE all of you people..

this is a picture of my cake before my mother stuck a candle on my nose and then ruthlessly hacked me to bits.

what's in my head...

2006-05-11T11:50:00.000+05:30

i go through these phases where i play the same song in an endless loop [god bless winamp's "toggle repeating" option] until i finally tire of it OR it just gets so into my head that i still can't turn it off.

lots of people go through this sudden obsession with a particular song.. i've gone through it so much that it drives people nuts.. it's like i HAVE to keep listening to it or humming it until i get it out of my system.

let's see.. the oasis phase hit me at the beginning of my holidays.. twelfth standard i think, just after the boards.. it started with live forever.. something about oasis gives me a thorough lazy but vaguely anticipating holiday mood.. then there was the hindu times.. "in and out my brain running through my veins.. you're my sunshine, you're my rain.." and flashbax.. and where did it all go wrong.. do you know what i mean.. oh GOD and COLUMBIA.. but the biggest obsession of all was supersonic.. can't COUNT the number of times an HOUR that i would listen to it.. you could tell which song i was on based on my MSN messenger sign-in name..

the coldplay phase started sometime before my twelfth boards.. when i used to call two friends and we'd listen to the same songs.. alternating between me playing it in my house and then they played it in their respective houses.. we spent jobless hours trying to play it together so the tunes coincided in all our houses.. what weird days those were.. clocks and high speed and don't panic were my favourite.. dil se re obsession was around this time as well...possibly because that song has the same mellow relaxing feel as coldplay..

then i was hit by a slew of savage garden songs.. when my love for them was at its peak.. crash and burn and i want you and truly madly deeply.. i still like them but not as much..

metallica.. after long conversations with one of my classmates who was a metallica freak.. i started listening as well.. the call of the ktulu and no leaf clover.. for some reason could never really get addicted to metallica.. it was just certain songs.. for example my sister loved tuesday's gone but i could never feel it..

there were other random songs.. it would usually start with my sister listening or downloading a song.. and i wouldn't like it then but later i'd start listening and LOVE it.. take me out by franz ferdinand.. "so if you're lonely.. you leave me broken, shattered, a lie.." that was one of the BEST songs.. i used to get this brilliant feeling inside.. and i downloaded lyrics like a mad woman..

what it is by mark knopfler after it was recommended by a friend.. and dire straits..

drops of jupiter by train.. an obsession that returned after AIESEC's NLDS conference in silvassa.. all those AIESEC-y songs also came.. save tonight and ari ari by bombay rockers and a whole pile of others that horrified people around me into thinking that i was a complete pop junkie.. traces of that period still remain :)

ooh.. and then there were bands that i LOVED and still do.. the doors.. the end and the crystal ship and light my fire to just name a few.. and the beatles.. can't even start naming favourite albums, let alone songs.. and pink floyd.. dark side of the moon was and always will be a favourite.. specially the pulse concert.. discovered division bell.. the wall.. thanks to my sister again [yeah, she figures a lot in this posting!].. this was when i started getting annoyed with people who claimed to *love* floyd and the beatles.. though further conversation would reveal that they would just know like two songs by each.. ditto with those so-called "oasis lovers" who've only heard wonderwall and think that's it..

jimi hendrix.. only a few songs.. obvious ones.. purple haze, all along the watchtower, voodoo child.. guns and roses.. estranged and paradise city.. went through a very sudden simon and garfunkel phase too after watching the graduate..

linkin park...! NUMB [first during world school and then later in college].. other songs that i can't even remember..

strangely got very into again by lenny kravitz.. hold me thrill me kiss me kill me by u2.. and with or without you.. that thing you do by the wonders.. beautiful girl by INXS.. she will be loved! cruising by gwyneth paltrow and huey lewis.. and the eternal boulevard of broken songs.. an awesome version of the green day song by combining it with oasis and aerosmith..

oh yeah, aerosmith! falling in love, crazy, janie's got a gun, pink... then suddenly khalbali from rang de basanti during my end semesters of my first year in college..

santana and then gypsy kings.. refer to a previous posting for more details on that!

there are too many more..

so what's on my mind now?

two very different songs!

dhol wajda and babe, i'm gonna leave you by led zeppelin..!

50 Questions!

2006-05-09T20:50:00.000+05:30

started : 21:03

1. Were you named after anyone? No.. wish i had been..

2. Do you wish on stars? Sometimes..why not?

3. When did you last cry? last night

4. Do you like your handwriting? yeah!

5. What is your favourite meat? chicken! the only meat i eat!

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? mp3 all the way.. most embarrassing tape is aqua.. birthday present!

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? yes

8.Are you a daredevil? not at all!

9. How do you release anger? crying and shouting very irrationally

10. Where is your second home? just got one...Chennai!

11. Do you trust others easily? yes and no..

12. What was your favourite toy as a child? barbie dolls and lego

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless? microeconomics..

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot? oh god yeah.. more so when i'm pissed

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? eh???

16. What do you look for in a guy/girl? sense of humour and the smile!

17. Would you bungee jump? in certain frames of mind...yeah!

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? slippers all the way.. but wouldn't untie them anyway..

19. What's your favourite ice cream? chocolate

20. What are your favourite colours? pink pink PINK!

21. What are your least favourite things? cleaning my cupboard and walking in the sun

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now? none.. got what i want :)

23. Who do you miss most right now? don't ask..

24. What are you listening to right now? coldplay : clocks

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? pink or purple

26. What is the weather like right now? hot, sticky and stuffy

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? my mum...asking me to leave my room and sit outside with the family!

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex? the way he talks..

29. Do you like the person who sent you this? it wasn't sent :(

30. How are you today? irritable, disappointed and verge of crankiness....didn't start out this way

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink? orange juice

32. Favourite alcoholic drink? nope nope..

33. Natural hair colour? Black.

34. Eye colour? black though i pretend it's dark brown

35. Wear contacts? yeah

36. Siblings? one older sister

37. Favourite month? december

38. Favourite food? lasagne with lots of cheese and white sauce

39. Favourite day of the year? none

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? never wanted to but would definitely be shy

41. Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings

42. Summer or winter? winter

43. Holi or Diwali? diwali

44. Do you like your name? no.. just the 'j' part of it

45. What book/magazine are you reading? william brown by richmal crompton.. love him!

46. What's on your mouse pad? ICICI marketing online..

47. What did you watch on TV last night? i can't remember

48. Favourite Smell? damp earth during rain, petrol and melting cheese

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone? never have..

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done? applying for a new passport with just a few days to do it in!

finished: 9:18 including changing the colours and stuff

Point To Ponder

2006-05-08T21:51:00.000+05:30

Is a man standing on a toilet high on pot?

Hmmm

FOUND : Key To My Heart!

2006-05-07T22:07:00.000+05:30

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

well let's see..

i'm not sure about the untamed bit :p .. or about the fact that marriage is regarded as confinement..

but on a more positive note.. yeah i do crave warmth and being told... that's an aspect about myself that i was never aware of before..

and the most important things in a relationship?

trust - you sometimes need to earn it but you need to have it otherwise you're confusing yourself with suspicions and anger.. you don't deserve that and neither does the other person!

be committed or be frank.. give it everything.. and if you can't...say so! personally i think that once you're committed... you're committed for life and nothing can ever change that in your mind or your heart.

it can't be reasoned out.. i used to try and analyze words and gestures and actions. don't! that comes with the trust of course..

sometimes the most stereotyped words or things or celebrations can mean so much just because they're so typically associated with love and romance.. though originality doesn't hurt too because it makes you feel good :)

never under-estimate the power of the written word (i am hinting at something here..)

be yourself.. if you're the kind of person who sings off-key or dances like a fool or cries buckets at movies or can't go through the day without washing your hand fifteen times... don't stop! that's who you are and that's who you're loved as..

god bless the man who invented the mobile phone.. the SMS can be an easy tool of not only your usual communication but can also be used to fight, abuse and then make up..

you will fight.. if you don't.. tell me how! if you do.. it's okay.. shit happens.. but it doesn't last unless you let it.. and don't hold words said in anger against a person.. you shout and yell and say a lot of things that you don't mean..

it helps if you listen to music together.. loads of songs have a lot of different but special memories :)

never write something off because you feel you don't have stuff in common.. so you like books, he likes sports.. it can be a sexy combination :p

it can suck.. it can make you laugh like crazy and also cry in a way you never thought possible.. but nothing else in the world can feel better.. and nothing else can replace it.. don't let it go.

yeah, this is jayashree's views on romance and relationships! take it or leave it.. :)

life without love.. i'm helpless

2006-05-05T18:09:00.000+05:30

WHAT a song.. indian rain by colonial cousins.. truly one of the most relaxing, soothing and beautiful songs i've ever heard..

...but it's summer now :(

argument... HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

2006-05-05T09:53:00.000+05:30

why is it that i always back down from conflicts?

well not always..

sometimes i am the diplomat... that's when i'm not really into the argument or i don't see the point or i'm not directly involved or affected.. in which case i take the Good-But-Often-Annoying stand of trying to soothe things over.. or ignoring it because of its triviality..

then there are the fights where i can actually feel my blood starting to boil (often resulting in annoying but unstoppable emotional tears) and my hands start shaking.. and then two things can happen.

one, i start shouting and trying to enforce what i think is right and get my point across.. and become even more pissed when i'm not heard..

or two, i am so angry and so overwhelmingly upset that i become cold and withdrawn and don't speak much because, hey, no one's listening anyway.

yeah, that's not a great stand to take..

then there are the times when i KNOW i'm wrong but don't have the words to explain it and express how sorry i am... when "i didn't mean it" starts sounding stale due to its repetition.. and when the truth just starts sounding lame even though i'm being honest about it... basically leaving me with nothing to say.. yeah, that's the worst of all.

people say that the closer you are, the more you fight.. wonder how true that is sometimes.. people also say that fighting breaks the monotony in a friendship because only when you're in a fight with someone, you actually know them.

which is a kinda scary thought come to think of it..

but what the hell... as long as things are okay in the end...

they are, right?

good morning 2006!

2006-01-01T11:19:00.001+05:30

new year's eve came and went.. and i have to say i had FUN... sure, sparks was NOT the place to be, with inane competitions like "who's the youngest party animal here?" [winner : some babe in arms] and "who has the largest beer belly?" [i was spared the joy of seeing the proud winner] but anyway... great company and when you're with friends, isn't that all that matters?

and now it's 2006!

2005 started out like any normal year i'd say... but the second half of it was definitely life-changing... i never thought i'd ever describe anything as life-changing but that's just how much of an impact different events had on me!

i'm different now. i can see the change. opinions may vary as to whether it's positive or negative but personally i'm happy with who i am, what i'm doing and where i'm going! and to feel happy about something like that is not too common...

it's going to be one hell of a long and difficult year.. lots of work, not enough time!

life's got so much to offer... can't wait!

happy new year to you.

song of the day...

2005-12-04T10:43:00.000+05:30

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

I am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
Cuz you don't understand I do what I can
Sometimes I don't make sense
I am, what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
You face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

LINKIN PARK - FAINT

my new passion!

2005-11-15T08:42:00.000+05:30

carlos santana and the gipsy [gypsy??] kings.. can't stop listening to them!

here's my current winamp playlist which has been playing non-stop for the past two days...

1. GK and Santana - Oye Como Va
2. GK - Bambaleo
3. GK - Lambada
4. GK - Spanish Guitar
5. GK - Salsa
6. GK - Volare
7. Santana - Why Don't You And I [with Chad Kroeger]
8. Santana - Jingo
9. Santana - Oye Como Va
10. Santana - Corazon Espinado
11. Santana - Smooth

just can't get enough!!

hasta luego...
jay

hey we're trying to WATCH here!

2005-11-14T19:27:00.000+05:30

the theatre is dark, the only light coming from the huge screen... the audience is hushed... couples huddle closer together, hands tightly clasped, eyes are bright with unshed tears... emotion at its peak.

onscreen, she turns, slowly. he stands in the doorway, his fingers clenched around the frame, knuckles white. her face has lines where no lines had stood before, her hair greying but he sees none of these. standing out like a wound against the stark white of her face is the obscene bright red of kumkum high on her forehead.

his breath catches, her eyes falter. it had been years, fifteen years, but now, only now did he know how long it had really been!

he steps forward. she remains frozen, like a doe caught in headlights. "jaan," he calls her, his voice breaking. "you said you'd wait for me. just as i waited for you. you were, you are my life. but...."

only then does the emotion flash across her face. fifteen years and a husband later, he has come back! the audience waits for her response. the music begins to rise to a crescendo... she opens her mouth, her beautiful face mirroring a thousand emotions, and....

SHAKE that THING miss kana kana
SHAKE that THING miss annabella
SHAKE that THING yan donna donna

heads swivel, indignant voices sound. someone in the audience fumbles to answer his mobile phone, the loud, gratingly cheerful polyphonic ringtone still blaring. he answers it and his voice joins the trebulous one of the heroine's.

"Hello? ah...hi da rajesh... no no, i'm not busy.. just watching a movie now... where are you now? oh really? ha ha....is that so....?"

more voices sound, demanding silence. he talks on, oblivious, conscious only of his own wish to continue his conversation without having to budge an inch.

i hope you guys know where i'm going with this.

if there's one thing i HATE it's people who, one, leave there phones on loud during movies and two, who don't even bother to LEAVE if they have the urge to take calls!

and it's not uncommon.... every single person's gone through this at some point of time. the only thing that could possibly rival this in irritingness [not a word, but like i care!] is people who've seen the movie before and can't do anything but share that fact.

it was lord of the rings - the two towers. a movie i had been waiting to watch for DAYS. i went with a friend and the two of us settled down in eager anticipation. a group of college guys were behind us, cheerfully exchanging banter and the like.

now i've got as much of a sense of humour as anyone and we had to laugh when the guys shouted "heroine vandachu!" when orlando bloom raced across the screen, his blonde tresses streaming behind him. but then when they continued to mouth every single dialogue that followed, along with helpful comments like, "oh, now there's a fight and that one dies" it gets slightly more annoying.

i love watching movies in the theatre. i really do. the popcorn [no butter please], the seats, the idea that you're watching it with about two hundred strangers who are all enjoying it as much as you... it's awesome. just eradicate the kind of people i've mentioned above and everyone's happy. except them of course, but who gives a damn? :)

Son of Bosey: " Ambi Mama is leading Brahmin relative" - Survey

2005-11-14T08:37:00.000+05:30

hey guys... got this as a forward and figured i HAD to share it... by far one of the funniest posts i've ever read - and one i could relate to perfectly! one thing - it's not going to make a lot of sense if you're not tamilian and brahmin to boot! those of you who are will know what i'm talking about... LOL!!!

http://www.bosey.co.in/2005/05/ambi-mama-is-leading-brahmin-relative.html

that's the site link.. visit it if you can!

the floyd influence...

2005-11-12T01:02:00.000+05:30

"Astronomy Domine" -
A song about the heavens, listing various stars...

Lime and limpid green the second scene
The fights between the blue you once knew
Floating down the sound resounds
Around the icy waters underground

Jupiter and Saturn, Oberon there on the run
Titanian, Neptune, Titan, stars can frighten

Winding signs flap
Flicker flicker flicker flam pow pow
Stairways scare and death rules there
Blindman limpid green the sound
Surrounds the icy waters on the
Lime and limpid green the sound
Surrounds the icy waters underground..

i think you'll all agree with me... there's something about pink floyd....

the final awakening?

2005-11-12T00:14:00.000+05:30

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes
Again

now my previous post was about love... it may seem slightly off that my next one is about death...

i don't know whether it comes across as unduely morbid... but i think a lot of people do think about death. personally, i never dwell upon the dying aspect of it when i do get into that mood [which thankfully isn't too often]. it's not about the passing over, it's about what remains once you've...well, once you've gone, basically.

a void waiting to be filled? how long will it take for someone else to step into your shoes? for there to be "someone else" to the people you love most. of course, at this point the people you love most reassure you that there can't be any existence without you and so on, but the fear always remains. that ultimately, a few years down the line, the world is still moving on - without you! continuity is one of mankind's chief characteristics after all...

but then again... why worry now? sure, we're all going to die sometime.. it's inevitable, deal with it. but what you've got is NOW. i always worry about the future... worry that things won't work out, that i'll fail in things i do, that i'll lose, that things i love the most will change....

hey but then the optimist in me takes over.. there are these awesome lines by Mark Twain :

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

good night...

crazy little thing called love...

2005-11-11T13:17:00.000+05:30

being in a strangely nostalgic and emotional mood... i'm going to post on something that a few months ago i would have described as completely out of character for me.

i've always thought of myself as slightly down-to-earth... more practical than dreamy... more no-nonsense than romantic... of course i cried a bit at movies but that was the extent of my sentimentality. that and the fact that i liked to indulge in reading romance novels [of course, the reason being that i got my kick from making fun of them. i mean, come on, ALL the men have names like shale or rock or ridge or ham or something equally tough and mean]

but i digress.

love was always something slightly vague. more formless than distinct. More laughable than serious.

but is it really?

i think it's crazy. and crystal clear. and sometimes painful and hard to understand but there's always the realization that you'd rather have it hurt and HAVE it than be without it. does that make sense? because in the end, every single moment of it is worth it. no regrets. because it becomes something you can't live without, that drives you nuts pretty much every second of the day. that drives you to do nothing but sit for hours waiting for an SMS, a call, a SOMETHING. and at the end of the day, it makes you love someone else more than you love yourself, it makes you feel awesome and warm and happy and bloody brilliant inside!

just my perceptions.... take it or leave it. comments solicited... [how shady that sounds :-) ]

wow, i'm on a blogging roll today.... about time too!

hello i'm jayashree, and you are.....?

2005-11-11T12:46:00.000+05:30

browsing through profiles, there's one thing that you ALWAYS find they have in common... under "interests", cramped in between the miscellany of movies, books, travelling, sports, blah blah, you find the ever-present meeting new people. now i am one of the people who posts that in their profiles. i used to figure i LOVE meeting people, expanding friends' circles, getting new ideas, learning about new cultures, building new bonds.

and then you think....yeah right!

see there are some people you hit it off with instantly. there's the connection and you think, shit, i'm enjoying myself.

then there's the other group of people wherein you KNOW it's going nowhere but in the true spirit of determination, you persevere.

it's an uphill task.

Me : So, which school did you go to?
Them : ABC school in chennai.
Me : Oh, the X Nagar branch?
Them : No, no, the other one. Near the airport.
Me : Oh, right. Cool. School was fun, right?
Them : Oh yes.
Me : Hey, the airport branch? Did you know RTY?
Them : Who?
Me : RTY. She was in the commerce section?
Them : Oh sorry, i was in science.
Me : Oh, okay....
Them : Yeah.
Me : So....what music do you like?
Them : Oh, any music!
Me : Awesome, what bands?
Them : Oh, any bands!
Me : Right.... hey so what school did you say you were from?

makes tedious reading? it's even worse in real life. i agree with the belief that you can't go by first impressions, that it's only after you strike up conversations with people that you really get to know them and all. but seriously... after a point, after you've had THIS sort of conversation with about ten-odd people, you think - who needs to meet more people anyway?

now this doesn't make me unfriendly or an introvert. impatient, perhaps. you realize you're doing all the talking and that neither of you are interested but at the same time, you're both too polite to cut it off.

of course, on the bright side... you talk to about ten people like this and then enter the eleventh.... and everything becomes worth it!

i love it when you discover the bond or the chemistry right from the start. where you can spend hours talking or messaging or emailing and it's STILL not enough because there's always so much more to say. and later due to circumstances when you start losing touch or losing track or you realize that the contact's not the same... you start fighting damn hard to make things work again.

i know who i'm talking about....

the proverbial busy bee....

2005-11-05T01:01:00.000+05:30

and it's been one and a half months and counting!

i've been going craaaaaaaazy in the past couple of months... what with aiesec work and college work and personal stuff it's getting a bit tough to handle. it's nearly impossible to prioritize one thing over the other because the ultimate result is that everything needs to be done so it doesn't really make a difference as to what order i take the work it.

yeah, that was not a particularly grammatical sentence but anyway.

college. end semesters, quizzes, internal marks, assignments, attendance, fee slips, payment of dues, photocopying question papers, homework, preparation, extra class, ticked-off lecturers, examination office meetings, id cards, hall tickets.

aiesec. matching mails, general body meetings, NLDS, TNs and SNs, chill-outs, department meets, DT, inochi, insight xp, match monitors, raise-match-realization, research, mentors, trainee buddy, appointments.

didn't get most of that? that was the idea. the more bewildering it sounds, the busier it makes me seem!

which ultimately adds up to not enough time for college friends, school friends [now this in particular], family, relationships, everything!

when you wake up in the morning and you know there's so much to do, but at the same time there are at least ten people you really really need to call because you can't even remember the last time you talked to them - but you still don't call them because once you do, you won't hang up and then BANG goes your schedule.

but at the same time... you wouldn't exchange who you are and what you're doing with anyone else because what you get out of both worlds at the end of the day is phenomenal.

that's the nice futuristic way of looking at it. because while you're juggling work you go the pessimistic way which is - this sucks!

hey, who said life was easy anyway?

[interesting - i just googled to find at least one song that did say life was easy but most of them do so with sarcastic intonation. here's something that even musicians can't pretty up...]

george bernard shaw said

"Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage -- it can be delightful."

now THAT's a nice thought. so all my blog-readers [all three of you], take heart! live your life to the fullest and be HAPPY with everything that you do! may your life be like toilet paper - long and useful ;)

winds of change!

2005-09-19T18:26:00.000+05:30

it's very odd when i compare myself a few months back to myself now.

you hear it all the time - change is inevitable. Our only security is our ability to change. Don't fear change, embrace it. Nothing endures but change. [yeah, you probably haven't heard of half of these even once but i started having fun at the quotations website so anyway...]

but seriously, life has become so different.

school's gone. the end of an era perhaps but what i find crazy is the fact that i managed to move on so easily. the group of friends, the best friends i'll ever have, are still there, but the contact i have is different. i've settled into college routine with an ease that i would never have thought possible, and best of all, i've found people, real people whom i can spend hours with and never get bored.

sometimes i want to go back to the way things were before. i loved it then. some of the best moments of my life were in the twelfth standard, were with my schoolfriends. but then again, i don't want to lose what i've got now. it's sad that you can't stay in both worlds and get the best from both.

rambling on and on seems to be like my forté!

Posting these lyrics may be slightly cliched but i'm going to do it anyway!

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
in the wind of change

typical teenager?

2005-09-07T20:09:00.000+05:30

i used to really really hate full house. lots of people love it, i know, and while i still respect your opinions and stuff like that - HOW CAN YOU?

okay, they're all really cute and really happy and get into such wacky scrapes and in the end, they're still one big happy lovable family, right?

that's probably what i hate the most.

honestly. but anyway, the point i was slowly ambling towards... there would be countless episodes. DJ has a pimple on her nose. Horrors! and Stephanie needs new socks for kindergarten? Who's she gonna call? and similar gripping plots.

and i would laugh derisively... i mean come on, like that's such a big deal... these american serials.. in a world of so much unhappiness and poverty and acute starvation - as if their idiotic problems even matter.

and look at me now.

there's a party on friday. one of those crazy parties i've never really attended. it's an AIESEC affair and promises to be incredible fun - and it's ALL we've been able to talk about in college for days.

what's the theme? who will we go with? what do we wear? how do we go? when will we come home? what sort of stuff will we do? seriously, i never realised just how obsessed i could become about something that hardly even matters much in the grand scheme of things.

but it's so much fun... endless discussions and analyses and all. clothes and gossip and general bitchiness and everything.

is this what being a teenager is all about?

but come to think of it.. do people ever outgrow this stage? is it sacred to teenagers alone?

i think not...

pointless post i know but hey, it's my blog!

what am i doing here?

2005-09-07T08:09:00.000+05:30

hard to say really...

been browsing through several blogs started by schoolmates of mine and figured - why not?

have you ever felt stifled? felt as if you're being boxed in on all sides, as if your every move, your every action is being analyzed and criticized by every single person around you? as if you no longer have any place to call your own, you can no longer BE because there's always some sort of obstacle that can never be crossed, some hurdle that can't be jumped? until you feel like screaming for freedom, for space and for deliverance.

no i haven't felt that way either.

because life's good now...! started college on the 22nd of june and it's been surprisingly awesome up to now - whether it's the subjects, the company, the lecturers, everything! loads of extra-curriculars which are draining and yet leave you with the amazing feeling of being busy and productive.

college gets over at one-thirty but i get home only around four or five. why, you ask? not hours spent at the library or at special class. just sitting around our brilliant campus, just talking and just sitting and still having the time of my life. go out for endless cups of coffee, to the beach, wherever. and to add to everything else, it rained today!

do things get better than this?